She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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