I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
just found out that she named her cat after me.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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