I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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