come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
two words: eviction party
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
