he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I wear drunk well.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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