What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Just puked most of my soul out..
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
