my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
