I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
