her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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