Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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