Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
