you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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