my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
