I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
