roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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