if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
