I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
