Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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