so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
