i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
