just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Your cock deserves a montage
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
