im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Randomize
