I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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