Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
