don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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