I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
