also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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