fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
