I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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