so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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