why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
