thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
