they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
