I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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