i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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