Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
