Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
