I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
