walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
