I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
