I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
