You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
