my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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