I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
