ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I stole a fireplace last night.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
