I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
he fucked my hip out of place.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
