shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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