hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
