I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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