Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Randomize
