After last night, I could never be a politician.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
