My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
