Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
